Your Role Is to Ask; God Does the Heart Work

Inviting someone to church can feel daunting. Sometimes, just the thought of approaching a friend or neighbor with an invitation to church can make me feel like I have rocks in my stomach. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the best person to even extend such an invitation. They’ll just think I’m weird…right? What I came to realize is that this feeling isn’t uncommon. In fact, many people ask for advice on inviting a friend to church.

The root of my invitation fear often lies in how I will look and feel–how I am perceived by the person I’m inviting. But when I shift my perspective to the other person, the fear can dissipate. This is about them, not me. Unlike invitations to the beach or an evening out, church invitations carry a different weight. Church is where our souls are fed and where we recenter ourselves in worship. Maybe it’s not so surprising that many people find church to be intimidating, but when I can effectively share the value it has in my life, it makes room for that person to consider church in a new way.

Understanding why people don’t go to church is one of my first steps in knowing how to invite them. Many reasons are not rooted in hostility. For some, especially younger folks, church simply isn’t part of their family tradition, so they haven’t been introduced to its importance. They might not believe because they’ve never heard the Gospel. Some hold negative opinions of Christianity for any number of reasons. And, while I may love and care for them, these are the people I often dread inviting–fearing their rejection or criticism. This is why our story, our experience, and our personal invitation are so important. 

There is no one-size-fits-all method for inviting someone to church, but always start with prayer. Prayer connects you with God and reminds you that God is leading this effort, not you. Reflect on why you want to invite your friend to church. Remember, inviting someone is about caring for them–giving them a path to a greater life through Jesus. But know that the Holy Spirit is the one who softens hearts and creates faith. Your role is to ask; God does the heart work. 

But how do we actually ‘invite’ someone to come to church? Inviting someone to church is not just a question but a conversation. Start by asking if they go to church anywhere. If they do, follow up with more questions to understand their beliefs. If not, extend a simple, friendly invitation to your church. Invitations are more likely to be accepted by those with whom you have a personal relationship. Friends, family, and neighbors are often more receptive because they trust you and value what you have to share.

If your friend declines your invitation, don’t take it personally. This decision is between them and God. Your role is to plant the seed. A “no” today doesn’t mean “no” forever. Keep praying for them and lead by example. Your conduct and kindness can spark curiosity about faith, leading to more conversations.

If they accept your invitation, show genuine happiness without overwhelming them. As Sunday approaches, let them know what to expect—what the worship is like, appropriate attire, and the length of the service. Avoid negative disclaimers about your church and join them during the service to make them more comfortable.

Imagine the impact if your friend finds genuine community and acceptance at your church. What if it ignites their faith and gives them true joy and confidence found only through fellowship with God? Isn’t that worth inviting someone you care about to church?

In the Episcopal Diocese of San Diego, we recognize the challenges and rewards of inviting friends to church. That’s why we’ve established Invite a Friend Sunday, a dedicated season for reaching out to those in our lives who might benefit from experiencing the love and community in our churches. To help, our Diocesan Office has compiled a list of Invite a Friend to Church resources for your use.

Invite a Friend Sunday is about sharing what is near and dear to us—our faith, our community, and our worship of God. It’s an opportunity to extend an invitation rooted in genuine love for our friends, family, and neighbors. As we prepare for Invite a Friend Sunday, let’s remember to pray, consider our motivations, and approach our friends with genuine conversations. Let’s share the joy and fulfillment we find in our church community, trusting that God will work in the hearts of those we invite

Inviting someone to church might feel daunting, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. By understanding the reasons behind their reluctance, praying for guidance, and building genuine relationships, we can extend heartfelt invitations that have the potential to change lives. In the Episcopal Diocese of San Diego, Invite a Friend Sunday is our chance to share the joy of our faith with those we care about. Remember, a simple invitation can open the door to a lifetime of faith and community.

So who will you invite?